I have read many articles, books, and publications that approve
divorce and remarriage. The fact is nearly all of these articles, books and
publications will say that it is God’s desire that the marriage be until death.
Yet, these same sources say that God provides us with certain instances where
we may exit the marriage before the death of either spouse. These exception clauses
provide instances that allow one or both spouses to divorce and remarry without
any ramifications.These exceptions clauses also make us believe that there is no hope for the restoration of the marriage, let alone the restoration of a soul.
If you care to read any of my other posts on this blog, you
will see that scripture supports the permanence of marriage and calls divorce a
hardhearted decision and any and all remarriages after divorce nothing more
than adultery. Scripture does not support the two main reasons people seek to
exit a marriage. These two reasons are martial unfaithfulness and abandonment. In
order to believe this one must clearly ignore the whole council of God’s word centered
on the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. Believers are called to forgive our enemies,
trust in God through faith alone, persevere through hard times, and we are to
love others as He loved us.
Yet, some will call a person legalistic who believes in the permanence
of marriage. They claim that since God provided scripture to exit
marriage in certain situations, anyone who disagrees with this is clamping a
yoke on an individual that few can bear.
In one particular post What the Bible Teaches About Divorce and Remarriage.
, the author of the post responded to a man who was told by
his counselor that he was to remain celibate and faithful to his wife of
covenant.
"In March 1998, I received a call from a dear friend, twenty-two years
old, whose marriage was falling apart. He was seeing a Christian marriage
counselor (fictitiously called "Bill Jones" below) who at the outset
of their counseling asked him to make a vow not to remarry should his wife
(fictitiously called "Jane") divorce him but to remain celibate and
faithful to her for the rest of his days. My friend, also a Christian and a
person of his word, was uncomfortable making such a vow. He called me and asked
for my advice. The following is what I wrote him, after first showing it to
three mature, trusted Christian friends, all of whom are teachers of the Word
(two of them have taught for years at the seminary level)."
If you notice, the man with a falling apart marriage did not go to the word
of God to determine if this counselor was giving him sound advice. Instead, he
contacted a pastor who will give him what he wants to hear. Notice too that
this pastor (the author of this post) confided in three mature, trusted Christian
friends before responding. He also made it necessary to note that two of these
three trusted men taught on the seminary level. What? Is seminary training necessary or is the word of God with the prompting of the Holy Spirit sufficient?
The post then proceeds with the classic twisting of
scripture of Matthew and 1 Cor 7 to allow for divorce and remarriage. The post
then concludes with remarks on why it is legalistic to believe in the
permanence of marriage.
“God has chosen to provide three conditions when people who have been
married can remarry: (1) when one partner dies, (2) when divorce takes place
because of sexual immorality, and (3) when an unbelieving partner definitively
deserts the believing partner. If God has graciously chosen to allow us to
remarry under these conditions, we should be thankful for his mercy, kindness,
and grace and not subject ourselves to a legalistic yoke that creates a heavy
burden few could bear.
It is not "more spiritual" to demand more of ourselves than
God does; it is just proud, misguided legalism. It's exactly what the Pharisees
did. A vow that would require you to remain chaste, celibate, and unmarried
should Jane divorce you is a false asceticism; and asceticism is a variety of
legalism. Paul vehemently attacked false asceticism in Colossians 2:20-23,
which I commend you to read. Any form of legalism involves putting confidence
in our flesh (Phil. 3:3) and thereby making ourselves enemies of the cross
(Phil. 3:18).
God resists pride in any and every form, but he gives grace to the humble and
exalts them in due time (1 Pet. 5:5-7; cf. Prov. 16:5; Isa. 57:15; 66:1-2). In
your situation, what God greatly values is humbling yourself, throwing yourself
completely on his mercy and grace, and casting all your anxiety on him (1 Pet.
5:5-7), not making a heaven-shaking vow.”
If you notice in this whole article that there is an
assumption that the “guilty” spouse will never repent. In fact, this is the
common assumption of anyone who uses the Matthew’s “exception clause” and Paul’s
privilege of 1 Cor 7:15. Since when did we have the ability or foreknowledge to
know who will come to salvation in Christ?
After all, this breach of the marriage covenant, whether it
is impenitent martial unfaithfulness or abandonment of the marriage is a
salvation issue is it not? Tell me, will a person who abandons his or her spouse
face judgment if they do not repent? What happens to a person who commits
adultery, gets a divorce from his or her spouse, and remarries their adulterous
lover? Is this marriage legal and binding if the innocent spouse refuses to
remarry because they seek to restore the marriage? Instead,
this particular author believes it is legalism to wait for a prodigal spouse to
repent.
Jesus says, whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth
another, committeth adultery…Is this applicable to the one who abandons his
wife? In addition, if an unbeliever abandons his wife, what church would remarry
him to someone else? If a particular church does remarry him to someone else,
is this marriage legal and binding?
Some will say…"If he repents of abandoning his first spouse, he
may remarry."
Wait a second…If he can abandon his wife, and she remains
single so that one day he would repent, should he not reconcile to his first
marriage? According to this article, the
author says that it is legalistic to wait for the return of a prodigal spouse so
the marriage can be restored. Not only that, the prodigal spouse repented and
now is saved for eternity. Imagine if a legalistic spouse stayed in the
marriage vow because she loved her husband and waited on the Lord to restore
him to Christ. Is that legalistic?
I want to share a story of a woman who believed that God
could restore her husband…
"I want to share a
story. This is from a family friend who is now gone. This woman was a devout
Christian, she prayed, read the Word daily, fasted, went to Church, and had a
great spirit. For many years in her marriage her husband was
"intolerable." He was known as a whore in the streets, a drunk, a
gambler, evil and calloused toward her-although he didn't leave her nor she
him. Of course people would ask her- Why? Why would you tolerate that? Why
would you not leave him or kick him out? How could you? ... This was her simple
response: "I may be the only piece of Heaven he will ever know" ...
So what happened after YEARS, over a decade, of this "intolerable"
behavior of her husband?? He got saved!!! Truly sanctified and became a man of
God that EVERYONE thought was impossible.. but God."
According to the twisting of scripture by this author and
men like Jay E. Adams, this woman had every legal right to divorce her husband
and remarry someone else. Tell me, is this
woman’s example of legalism or is this example of a spouse who was obedient to
God and His promises? Is this an example
of a woman who had faith in God to restore a prodigal because she would remain
true to her vow of marriage? Is this an example of someone who loved as Christ
loves us, or was this woman prideful in her legalistic stance believing in the permanence
of marriage?
When I read this ..."In
your situation, what God greatly values is humbling yourself, throwing yourself
completely on his mercy and grace, and casting all your anxiety on him (1 Pet.
5:5-7), not making a heaven-shaking vow.”
It is for those who kept their marriage vow despite the actions of their prodigal spouse. These spouses will stand on God's promises and not on the words of men who teach that divorce and remarriage is acceptable. They believe is the truth of God 's word for the permanence of marriage...until death do we part.
Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
In Christ’s love,
Neil
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