My testimony is dating an estranged married woman with a child. Then I believed the lies that her divorce from her husband (her son's father) and my marriage to her would qualify for me the status of "step-dad". I believed I was taking a noble step in providing for a child which I had no right to provide for in the first place. But was my role noble? Was I obeying the Lord? Did I have a right to raise a child when there is ample scripture to support a restoration of a marriage?
I have decided to tackle the thought that "being a step-parent is a noble thing" head on. I will ask real questions that we must answer as a church and as a society. There is no question that there are millions of step-families across the globe, and these are mostly comprised of divorce and remarriage. While there are many seemingly heart felt stories of wonderful step-parent to step-child relationships, there are as many stories which are true horror stories of abuse and even murder. For the sake of marriage definition, when I refer to step-parents, I am not referring to legitimate adoption and raising child of a deceased parent.
- If scripture tells us a marriage can only end in death, is there an excuse to form "step-families"?
No. The answer is clearly no. A divorce never ends the responsibilities of a parent to raise a child just as a divorce never ends the marriage. A child has a father and a mother. There is a sin problem in every case of divorce, and scripture again makes a great case that restoration of a marriage is found in the One who restored us to Him. There are a thousand and one excuses to divorce and remarry, and none of them have a chance in Hell against a new life in Christ. If you were bought and paid for by the blood of the Lamb, you will understand that sin is the problem in any divorce, and that the only remedy for sin is the Lord Jesus Christ.
My excuse to be a step-parent was never found in scripture. I stood in the way from what the Lord wanted first and foremost... a restoration of a marriage. I stood in the way of a father who deserved to be a father to his child. Yes, there was sin that both the husband and wife needed to address, but to say that a marriage ended becasue the timing wasn't right for restoration is making a god in our own image. Looking back I know for a fact that their marriage problems were both of their faults and they both wanted to make excuses for their sins. Regardless, I had no right to interfere with what God can do.
- If a "remarriage" is the sin of adultery, what does that teach our children to accept step-parents, let alone accept a remarriage as anything other than adultery?
Matthew 18:5-7 And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!
The moment we tell a child that a marriage can end in divorce, we have already deceived them. Then you want to tell them that he or she will have a step-parent because you are going to remarry into an adulterous relationship? Why do we lie to our children? It is no wonder that many children of divorce NEVER get over the pain of the divorce. In fact, many of them divorce and remarry as adults. It is a common tragedy in society that has often brought on greater tragedy. I seriously believe that the current popular redefinition of marriage, the sexual revolution, and gender dysphoria are directly related to the capitulation of marriage through the widely acceptable divorce and remarriage culture.
That is why I can not understand the conscience of a person who makes a "vow" of remarriage while their spouse of covenant of divorce is still alive. How do you feel justified by your vow when you lied about your first vow? Now you want to make a vow in front of you children and believe God should honor this when you did not honor your first vow? You want your children to believe as you do, rather than what God commands?
- If step-families through divorce and remarriage do not honor God, then what should I do?
I have written past posts which show us what we need to do. Dear Convicted Remarried Believer.
I have also written to clergy who are convicted of performing remarriages. Dear Pastor
There is always consequences of sin, but is through repentance and faith in Christ where we are not only restored, but God will use this as a bold witness for His glory. Terminating an adulterous union is not only a bold witness to the world, it is a bold and justified witness to your children. You are teaching your children the truth which is only found in Christ.
I personally responded by seeking forgiveness for those I sinned against. This included the Lord, my son's mother, and her husband and his son, and my son. I also participated in ending the civil side of adultery by divorcing from the adulterous civil union. I am not responsible for either of their further actions to remain in their own sins, but I do pray they both would repent. I have also dedicated a blog to the permanence of marriage and have continued to be a voice for marriage permanence. I also know that I cannot convince anyone in my own power that marriage can only end in death, but have begun to rely on the power of the Holy Spirit through the written word. The Power of the Word For Marriage Truth
I know that the Holy Spirit is behind the words of God to convict and bring many to repentance. Marriage is such a holy word that is a great representation of the Gospel. I pray that the church would speak boldly for marriage truth and I pray too for all those who have continued to remain in their vows of marriage for His glory. Please join me in praying that many would stand up for the truth of marriage so that they will witness the awesome power of the Gospel revealed in those who do solemnly swear...till death do we part. God bless you!
In Christ's love,