When I first saw this title of this post I was deeply saddened for the total disrespect for marriage. I could only imagine what the author of this article was willing to tell us about one-flesh covenant marriages…and how that God would not want us to divorce… Yet, the hypocrisy to make a “remarriage” work is in line with the thought that divorce is out of the question for a remarriage…then why would divorce be out of the question for a marriage? If the Lord does not approve of divorce from a one-covenant marriage, what would His words be to those who have divorced and remarried? The Bible tells us...if we would only walk in faith to believe...
The hypocrisy of these posts and these ministries are beyond question. But what is most alarming being how they are widely accepted today, as if divorce and remarriage are acceptable in the Lord’s sight… So, for these ministries to “help and minister” or to think they are helping and ministering those broken by divorce and struggling in remarriage, there needs to be certain presuppositions in place.
The question is whether these presuppositions are false or not.
These are the presuppositions for ministries like Restored and Remarried, FamilyLife Blended, Focus on the Family, etc…
- Marriage is God’s "idea" (and/or intention) as one man and one woman for life, but there are specific permissions in the Bible which allow for divorce and remarriage.
- A civil divorce paper ends a one-flesh covenant marriage.
- A vow to another while your spouse of covenant is still alive, is approved by the Lord.
- A civil “remarriage” paper begins a new marriage.
- This “remarriage” is a marriage which is God’s "idea" (and/or intention) as one man and one woman for life, but there are specific permissions which allow for divorce and remarriage.
You can see this is a cycle determined not by the word of God, but rather by the flesh of a person who believes marriage is something that can be redefined from the beginning. (Gen 2:24) If any of these presuppositions are false, then ministries like this are NOT ministries in the Lord. I believe the word of God proves that all these presuppositions are false and they misrepresent marriage, the Gospel, and the Lord Jesus Christ.
For these “remarriage” ministries to be successful, one must buy into the idea of these erroneous presuppositions. Well it is very easy for the world to understand this, as those of the world live for the things of the world. This the condition of the heart; a heart that is not set on remaining faithful to the Lord and His institution of marriage. It starts with the first presupposition, and that once you have a false view of marriage, you can create a world that appeases your desires of the flesh.
The first presupposition for ANY marriage ministry (Yes, marriage, not “remarriage”) MUST be that marriage is one man and one woman for life. There is significant scripture which supports this. (Gen 2:24; Mt 19:4-6; Mk 10:6-9; Ro 7:2,3; 1 Cor 7:10,11,39; Eph 5:31,32) What happens is that whenever you see “remarriage” ministries like this, they will ALWAYS rely on a few ambiguous passages (In particular, Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 and 1 Cor 7:15) rather than take into account the entire word of God.
For the sake of the length of this post, I have included a link to a past post of mine which deal with the Matthew’s account of the “exception clause” and the Pauline privilege of 1 Cor 7:15. I also included a link to the thought that a marriage can end in “spiritual death”.
Which leaves me to a response to the recent post by Brenda Stuart of “Restored and Remarried” titled, “How Do I Make My Remarriage Work? Part 1”
“My husband Gil and I have been married for fourteen years—remarried that is.”
Brenda, based on the presupposition that marriage is one man and one woman for life, where in scripture do you find that God approves and validates “remarriages”? You will not find any. There are no scriptures that defend divorce and remarriage. None. In fact, everywhere we see a “remarriage”, or a “marriage after divorce” in scripture, “remarriage” is an adulterous union. (Mt 5:32; 19:9; Mk 10:11,12, Luke 16:18; Ro 7:2,3)
“We were both active and involved in our churches before we met, so we never thought we would find ourselves on this side of the marriage fence.”
If “remarriage” is defined as an adulterous union (Mt 5:32; 19:9; Mk 10,11; Luke 16:18) then why do you call this union a marriage? Marriage is one man and one woman for life (Gen 2:24; Mt 19:4-6; Mk 10:6-9) and it is a sin to defile a marriage. (Heb 13:4) You are not in a marriage, you are in adultery, and the fruits of repentance is to leave this adulterous union. You need to tell the truth.
“Divorce was not in our plan.”
That is correct. When you say "our", please do not assume that it is your choice to decide how your marriage can end. The Lord Jesus Christ makes it clear that divorce CANNOT end a one-flesh covenant marriage, thus your vows of remarriage, the civil papers of divorce AND remarriage, are worthless. ONLY DEATH CAN END A ONE-FLESH COVENANT MARRIAGE! (Ro 7:2,3) Scripture is quite clear in this matter.
“Yet, both of us found ourselves divorced, healing, dating again, and asking, “How do I make my remarriage work?”
You both, and many, many others like you decided to ignore the word of God and ignore the Holy Spirit to appease your own flesh and follow the teachings of men rather than live in the spirit and follow the Lord. You are both commanded by the Lord to remain in covenant…to remain single and separated the rest of your lives, or reconcile the marriage. (1 Cor 7:10,11) These are your ONLY options. Instead you are both committing adultery against your spouses of covenant before the eyes of the Lord.
“God can lovingly heal the harmful effects of divorce as He continues His work of restoration in your remarriage.”
God can lovingly restore the marriage when the sin which is threatening the marriage is settled through proper church discipline (Mt 18:15-17), repentance of sin, forgiveness of sin, reconciliation, and the restoration of the marriage. Your ministry redefines marriage! You will do all you can in your power to save “adulterous unions”, by telling us these are marriages “in the Lord”. That is a lie, and hypocrisy.
“A huge ripple effect was created by “the great train wreck,” our divorces. These non-welcoming, painful ripples have been felt by our kids, other family members, and friends.”
It started with the lies that a divorce can end a one-flesh covenant marriage and the presupposition that marriage is NOT one man and one woman for life. This is due to the traditions of men through false exegete of the scriptures through the Westminster Confession of Faith. The Holy Spirit will always convict you that a marriage is bound in Heaven and no man can put this covenant asunder. You are teaching your children lies. You want to give the same advice to “remarriages” as you would to marriages, and even go as far to say that “divorce” is never an option for “remarriage”. You hypocrites! Wake up! You need to repent of your lies and repent from all the people you deceived.
“But God can lovingly heal the harmful effects of divorce as He continues His work of restoration in your remarriage.”
The Holy Spirit calls you to repent from your lies and hypocrisy. Considering the divorce never ended your marriage, you must leave your adulterous union and reconcile to your spouse of covenant. Unfortunately, they too may have gone off and did the same thing you did..believing the same lies. Thus, the consequences of your choices will be hard to bare unless you remain in Christ and speak the truth to those you deceived…your readers, your followers, your children, and your church.
I have long since wrote a post on what it takes to make things right. I pray the Lord leads you to the truth of marriage - Dear Convicted Remarried Believer,
In conclusion, I pray that ministries like “Restored and Remarried” and Ron Deal’s “FamilyLifeBlended” would repent and speak life back into those you have deceived. Please know that I would support you 100% and there are many like me who stand on the truth of marriage as one man and one woman for life. No excuses, no exceptions! Because marriage by definition will always and forever be a representation of the Gospel and the Lord Jesus Christ’s love for His Church. (Eph 5:31,32)
In Christ’s love,