Testimony of a "Marriage in the Lord"

What would you do?

That is the question I have heard a thousand times for those who have filed for divorce... those who believe divorce is the answer, and those who do not believe it is adultery to remain in a "remarriage". They believe the reasons are all valid …infidelity, sexual addiction, physical and emotional abuse, substance abuse, money problems, incompatibility, abandonment…the list goes on and on. There is no shortage of those who have divorced to leave their spouse of covenant. There is this thought that everyone would do the same if they were in their shoes. Then when you ask those who divorced about the steps of accountability they initiated for their “guilty” spouse, you get all kind of excuses, as if the Lord was on the guilty party’s side.

But if you open the pages of the Bible, both the LORD and Paul have much to say on marriage and the accountability of those who sin against us. There is no thought of divorce ending the covenant marriage, or even the thought that civil authorities have jurisdiction over marriage.(Mt 22:21; Mk 12:17) We read that marriage is as it was in the beginning (Gen 2:24; Mt 19:4-6; Mk 10:6-9), and that it is adultery to divorce from a covenant and speak vows of “remarriage” to another while the covenant spouse is still living. (Mt 5:32; 19:9; Mk 10:11,12; Luke 16:18; Ro 7:2,3; 1 Cor 10:11,12;39; Heb 13:4) We read that we are to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us ( Proverb 19:11; Mt 5:38-48; Luke 6:27,28; Ro 12:17-21), and love others even as Christ loved us.(John 13:34)

So, when people ask me what I would do, I am reminded of those who did love and forgive despite the suffer, pain, and even death. The Lord suffered and died on the cross so that we may live. On the way to the cross He asked that the Father forgive those who were about to divide his garments and nail Him to the cross. (Luke 23:34) Stephan asked that the Lord forgive those who stoned him. (Acts 7:60) Hosea remained faithful to the Lord and paid the price to take back his adulterous wife. The Lord remains faithful to the idolatry of the nation of Israel. The love of this kind can only be possible by the power of the Holy Spirit.

There are also a special people who have the spirit of Hosea and the spirit of Ezra. They are those who were divorced by man’s laws and yet remain true and faithful to the covenant vow. They are those who have remained true to covenant, waiting on the Lord and watching as He restored the prodigal, and eventually the marriage.They are those who have left the adulterous “remarriages” to be reconciled, Lord willing to the spouse of their youth. And still there are those who have left the adulterous unlawful “remarriage” to release both parties from the sin of adultery, knowing that it is adultery to be with a person who already has a living spouse of covenant.

Cheryl- “The husband of my youth and I have 3 adult daughters, 2 sons-in-law and 3 grandchildren. We were married in 1983 and are each other's first spouse (so this past April was our 34th Anniversary). However, we've been divorced since 2009. I became very deceived and left my husband in 2007 and entered an adulterous remarriage at the end of 2009. But the Lord was constantly working on me in so many ways and in 2012, I was finally overcome with Godly sorrow that led to my repentance from adultery and the Lord made a way for the legal ties of that relationship to be severed effortlessly in 2013. I have been living faithfully to the Lord and to my covenant husband and have been trusting God to restore our marriage ever since.

Ashley -“Me and my husband were married to each other, both our first time own 2008. He divorced on 01 16. He was having an affair when he left and he has since had two children and married the mistress.”

Sarah- “I've been divorced from my covenant husband in society's eyes for 10 years. It was a first marriage for both of us. In God's eyes I now know we are married until death do us part despite what a piece of paper says. I'm standing and praying for restoration. I'm praying for his salvation. He's an unbeliever. I've never been remarried.”

Kevin -“My COVENANT WIFE divorced me about a year ago. I was planning on finding another woman to marry. I was reading what the bible said about marriage and remarriage and discovered everything that I was taught in church was A BIG FAT LIE. SO I have to reconcile with my wife of 30 years or remain single. BOO HOO! I was divorced for lust that the AG church said was a BIBLICAL divorce, I believe so she could have the right to remarry. She was my high school sweet heart and have 5 children, what a blessing from God. I guess that's about it. I am a open book for any questions for anyone.”

Karen -“married 1983 - ? (court d. 2013) .. married for life and one day to be reconciled to my husband. I contested the 'd" My husband and I met in college '79. We commuted together last year of college. Engaged in 1981, married 1983. This is a first/covenant marriage for both of us. He filed papers first in 2009, served in 2009. I did not seek counsel. We worked on our marriage unsuccessfully. He left in 2011 leaving me no choice but to seek counsel. The process took another 2 years essentially, my husband had to 'divorce' me twice! Our marriage ended by the court against my will 2013. We are married now by God for 34 years and counting. We are parents to 3 sons.” 

Martha- “ Married my covenant one flesh mate 1990,separated may 2006 and divorced 2007 not by choice. We were married 16 years and my H said he wanted divorce because he no longer loved me and maybe never had, I told him I did not want a divorce but he did not care. He left in May 2006 and did not follow through right away and our Divorce went through in Aug 2007. We have one son who will soon be 26. He has tried to be married but is not and I have never tried to find anyone else”

Nicole - “My husband divorced me although he was the adulterer. We have one son. We're married 24 years. I am praying and standing since my divorce. Was final 2016, married at age 20 and 21. High School Sweethearts”

 Jason -“Standing for my covenant marriage of 16 years everyday has its challenges can't wait to see what waits in eternity. Married in 2001, separated in 2010 and she pursued a divorce in 2015 and has been dating a guy since 3 weeks from the divorce.”

Mark -“I believe in the permanence of the marriage covenant. I was married for 30 years. It was my first and only marriage. Beth divorced me almost 4 years ago. I haven't dated nor will I. I believe that God is faithful to his children and to his word. I will continue to stand.”

These are just a few of the testimonies of those who stand for the truth of marriage as one man and one woman for life. (Still other are found here)The common bond that all these testimonies share is a deep faith and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. Nothing can separate them from His love, faithfulness, grace, mercy, and truth. He is a Rock, a Mighty Fortress, and a Light which shines in their hearts. He is their ALL and ALL, and will never leave or forsake them. These are those who wait on the Lord and remain true to the vow of Him who hears all, and sees all.

I ask you to consider the words of the Lord and put on the love of Christ. It is only by the power of the Holy Spirit that we can endure the suffering and trials of this fallen world, and fully know that our only hope is in the Messiah. Please join me in praying that the Holy Spirit would quicken the hearts of those who have be betrayed by their spouse of covenant so that they would stand in love as a witness to Christ's love for His church. Also pray for the prodigals to fall in humility with contrite hearts so that they too can join in the goodness of the Lord...for His glory!

God bless you!

In Christ's love,

Neil

Compassion for Those Who Think Divorce

Col 3:12,23 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

Compassion is an endearing attribute of the believer. Compassion is defined as having genuine concern for those who are suffering. If we do not have compassion as a professing believer, then Christ is not in us. We must have compassion for those who are going through difficult and trying times. But compassion must always stand on the grace and truth of Christ.
The compassion I have for the "divorced" (rather those who think divorce ends a one-flesh covenant marriage) is not centered on any idea that would have a person believe a divorce can end a marriage. Rather my compassion is to point such broken people to the grace and truth of the Gospel and how marriage is a perfect representation of Christ's love for the Church (Eph 6:31,32). I want to comfort people to the point that they feel the glorious light of Christ and that He alone makes all relationships, including marriage, worthy of His glory. In fact, the Lord uses the broken in these cases to make the Gospel shine the brighter! 

I want to be very clear. I do have compassion for those who have experienced the tremendous pain and suffering surrounding a betrayal, rejection, and heartache of a wayward spouse. There is a deep hurt with this kind of betrayal which cannot be described in words because it is in the very fiber of the soul. Yet, despite this deep rejection there is One who has endured suffering beyond human comprehension and is the same One who we are called in situations like this to trust with our eternal souls.

My latest blog post was an open letter to Lysa TerKuerst of Proverbs 31 Mininstries regarding her recent public announcement that she was filing for a divorce from her unrepentant husband, Art. "Rejection, Heartache, and a Faithful God". If you read my blog post, An Open Letter To Lysa TerKeruerst of Proverbs 31 Ministries, it asks some very serious questions concerning Lysa’s lack of accountability towards her husband and towards his sin. The questions pertain to church discipline (Matthew 18:15-17) and if this was any part of the process up until she decided to publicly announce the divorce. The letter also urges her to remain in her covenant marriage as the Lord commands her to do…especially as a ministry president, author, and popular radio personality who encourages others to do the same.

If you understand why I wrote the blog you can clearly see these concerns are not only valid, they were completely necessary to correct and exhort a fellow believer. I defend marriage (Even Lysa and Art’s marriage) as one man and one woman for life, because scripture defends marriage as one man and one woman for life. I believe scripture calls believers to remain in marriage and do whatever is necessary to rectify the sin which threatens the marriage. This includes remaining in the covenant vow and enacting church discipline with the means of restoring the guilty spouse through repentance and accountability and restoring the marriage through forgiveness. None of this is possible if at least one spouse is not totally committed to trusting the Lord and His word.


It appears that I was not the only one who wrote an open letter to Lysa, or at the very least commented on Lysa’s to public divorce announcement. One such excellent post by standerinfamilycourt entitled “The Proverbs 31 Woman Marches Into Family Court” questioned not only the validity of the marriage (and rightly so), the post also questioned Lysa’s willingness to forsake the word of God by choosing to forsake the body of Christ and attempt to settle this matter among a corrupt secular court system, when believers are clearly called to settle matters among the body of Christ (1 Cor 6:1-8).  

“There’s no question in the minds of most people that a divorce petition, whether fault-based or unilateral, constitutes a civil lawsuit that unavoidably pits spouses against each other for property and parental advantage.    This is an abomination in God’s sight,  if He sees the parties involved as inseverably one-flesh until death by His own hand, as Jesus indicated in Matthew 19:6.    No piece of man’s paper has ever overridden this, “from the beginning” (verse 8) and no piece of man’s paper, other than a death certificate, ever will."

The crux of the matter in this situation lies in whether those who agree or disagree that a divorce can end what God has bonded in heaven. The author of this post agrees that scripture does indeed bind both the husband and wife until death, and that Lysa and Art’s vows to each other have significance to the Almighty Lord of Hosts. Thus, the definition of marriage is at stake in Lysa’s announcement, and if there are those who agree that she has the right to divorce, then what amount of compassion can they give her if the word of God proves them wrong? 

Then there is the matter of her husband’s infidelity. Unfortunately, Lysa’s post only came from her side of the story and clearly made Art out to be an unrepentant adulterer who showed no signs of repenting…ever. The post certainly paints her as having no responsibility in his decisions, and please understand me, she may be 100% innocent in this, but it still does not give her freedom to divorce. There are always three sides to a failed marriage, the husband’s side, the wife’s side, and God’s side. The only side that really matters is what the Lord has to say. It is up to both spouses to either agree what the Lord says, or face His wrath and consequences should one or both choose to follow their own way.

Then there are the other bloggers who decided to show "compassion" for Lysa. The "alleged" compassion comes from those who wrote to Lysa telling her that she has the support from the perspective of those who have been there…as in, those who divorced unrepentant husbands.  Dena Johnson’s “An Open Letter to Lysa TerKeurst” went as far as to have this to say to Lysa…

“Be prepared for unbelievable criticism. I wish I could tell you that everyone will come alongside you, love you, support you as you walk this incredibly difficult path. I can’t. And, the more outspoken you are about the realities of divorce, the more criticism you will face from God’s people.”

“I know you are no stranger to those who make human interpretations of scripture equal to the infallible Word of God. But when it involves divorce, there’s no shortage of harsh words. I promise you will be told you failed God. You will be told you must continue to pray for reconciliation, cling to your spouse until he repents. You will be told that you will be subject to hell if you entertain remarriage.”

There is a bit of truth in these last two sentences mixed with a lot of error.

Telling someone to pray that there would be reconciliation of a marriage is criticism, a harsh word, or human interpretation of scripture??? If “clinging” to the spouse is referring to remaining in the covenant vow of marriage in obedience to God’s word, then I cannot ever believe this was “unbelievable criticism”. Perhaps there is validity to those who remain in the covenant and seek accountability for the actions of an unrepentant husband…considering that there are documented cases that marriages are restored even after an adulterous affair and chemical dependencies.

The key factors surrounding these restorations centers around properly handling the sin which is of contention (Church discipline and accountability), obeying and trusting the Lord, praying for the prodigal spouse, and believing that a civil divorce paper has no power over God and His institution of marriage. The fact that there was no mention of Lysa enacting church discipline is not very shocking since this author has found that Lysa’s home church of Elevation Church has no Elders on staff. A few months ago, long before I or anyone had knowledge that Lysa was having marriage problems, I personally wrote Elevation and asked what is their position on divorce and remarriage and how do they handle church discipline. 

I am still waiting for that answer. 

It should shock you that this is rather common in evangelical churches. There are hundreds of marriage ministries, but not many that attempt to save marriages...let alone have any accountability for their leaders...especially surrounding sound biblical teaching on marriage, divorce, and remarriage...

“You will be told that you will be subject to hell if you entertain remarriage.”

Again, the key factor surrounding all the heart wrenching pain surrounding divorce is the eternally damaging lies that a divorce can end a one-flesh covenant. Consider that a true definition of marriage makes divorce nothing more than it already is…a meaningless piece of paper. Thus, the same meaningless piece of paper is the “remarriage” certificate after divorce of a covenant marriage, and the hollow vows of those who have already vowed in marriage to their spouse of the youth. This last sentence is not only absent of compassion, it is devoid of truth since the Lord and Paul are settled that a “remarriage” is nothing more than a state of adultery. (Matthew 5:32;19:9; Mark 10:11,12; Luke 16:18; Romans 7:2,3)

Then there is another blog post by Amy entitled,  "An Open Letter to Lysa TerKeurst, Her Critics, and Her Supporters" which suggests that Lysa did all she could do…Lysa seems to believe this too. However, there is nothing in scripture that says where WE can save anything, let alone a prodigal unrepentant spouse...

“God saved your marriage (The Been There, Done That, God Saved My Marriage Crowd) but there are so many Christian women who fight just as hard as you did and still end up removing their wedding rings and signing on the dotted line.”

The person who saves their marriage is the person who trusted in the Lord and will tell you that it was not in their power other than to remain in covenant, trusting in the Lord, praying for the prodigal, and speaking truth into his or her life. One must first believe signing on the dotted line ends something which is bonded in Heaven...right? The “compassion” from these well-meaning divorced bloggers only consider that marriage ends on the dotted line. They are willing to offer hugs, support, and prayers...but not the truth. This is not compassionate by any standard.

Then there are those who are calling Lysa to step down, such as the article form the popular CharismaNews article, “Demands Escalate forLysa TerKeurst to Step Down After Divorce Announcement”…

"Lysa, we recommend that you let someone like Lois Evans, the wife of Tony Evans, or Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth take over Proverbs 31 Ministries at least temporarily. No one is condemning you, but you need to admit that you were not perfect in your marriage either, and we urge you to reconcile with your husband. As you stated in your blog post, you 'always encouraged women to fight for their marriages and to do everything possible to save them when they come under threat.' We urge you to do the same,"

These "Christian" news websites love to report these kind of stories...not unlike secular news outlets...While I would recommend that Lysa turns her ministry over to others, I would not recommend Tony Evan’s wife as a replacement. The Lord knows I have sent him exhortation on his teaching on marriage as well...I have recommended that Lysa becomes transparent about her lack of and/or her inability to speak about Art’s accountability from her church leaders. 

It is no doubt that there is no condemnation in this quote, and that it most likely true that Lysa was not perfect in her marriage either. I believe it a loving and compassionate response to suggest that Lysa do the same as she has often preached. But again, there is something missing from this comment as well.   

I would rather see this type of announcement from Lysa Terkeurst, but perhaps not to the point that it would be made public to other than her local body of believers …I believe her leadership would be able to prepare a statement in such case…even on behalf of Proverbs 31 Ministries...

“Anyone who knows me and Proverbs 31 Ministries knows how seriously I take marriage. I’ve always encouraged women to fight for their marriages and to do everything possible to trust in the Lord when their marriage come under threat from the enemy. So, for the past couple of years I have been in the hardest season of my life by remaining true to my covenant marriage even when all seems lost.

When I first found out about Art’s infidelity 18 months ago, I immediately made the decision to enact church discipline. I remained true to the Lord and stood on his commands to enact all levels of church discipline to bring about repentance in Art’s life. Art has been unreceptive to church discipline and is currently excommunicated from fellowship. He is currently under the care of the older, godly men, who continue to urge him to consider the consequences of his sin.

Art was made fully aware that our marriage cannot end until death and that the Lord will hold him accountable on the last day. If he does not repent of his sin, he will spend eternity separated from the Lord. He is also aware that both he and his mistress are adulterers and that this local body of Christ will never recognize any form of civil decree, whether they be for divorce, or his subsequent remarriage.

I ask that you would all pray that the Holy Spirit would quicken Art’s heart so that he would come to repentance, and that he would show committed fruits of repentance so that he will be fully reconciled to the Lord. I know that Art is in God’s hands, and that the Lord requires me to remain in my covenant vow till death do we part.

So what does all of this mean for Proverbs 31 Ministries and for me? I will take the time that is needed to care for my family and seek the support of my local body of believers as I wait for my husband to come home. I have fully confessed the sins for my part to him, and I will continue to pray for my husband and shine the light of Christ in his life. I will humbly remain in the hands of the Father and remain true to the vow I made in His presence…till death do I part.

Please pray for my stand, pray for our children, and please pray that Art would come to repentance so that he would be reconciled to the Lord and that he would have a lasting relationship in the LORD Jesus Christ…in Him who is faithful and true.  And last of all, please pray for every spouse who remains true to the vow of love in Christ…loving a spouse just as Christ loved us…while we were yet sinners.”

In conclusion, I do have compassion for women like Lysa TerKeurst, Dena Johnson, and Amy. But my compassion will not, and must not exceed the love for the Lord and His truth of marriage. The pain I witness in these circumstances could be avoided, or at the very least, alleviated if these situations were not compounded by the lies taught about marriage, divorce and remarriage, the total lack of accountability through Christ-centered church discipline, and the hard hearts of those who will never forgive. 

Lysa and others need to let God be who He is as one who all throughout history fought the battles on His level. Nowhere in scripture will you find that the people delivered themselves from suffering. It was always those who obeyed God, trusted God, and humbled themselves before His presence that experienced the touch of His mighty hand. In this case it will take those who have clothed themselves in the mercy and grace of Christ to humbly wait on the Lord and love their enemy...who may even be their one-flesh covenant spouse of their youth.

Matthew 5:43-48  Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

The Lord Jesus Christ came to save us and reconcile to the Father, in so making us into ambassadors of reconciliation. It is time for the church to be ambassadors for marriage truth and it is time for hearts to quicken to the power of the Holy Spirit so that there would be healing for the broken and betrayed. We need the righteousness of Christ to be a witness that marriage will always be one man and own woman for life. In doing so we must put on the humility and compassion of Christ to love even when we have been betrayed beyond all comprehension…not for our own good, but for Christ’s glory. 

God bless you as you remain in Him.

1 Cor 5:17-21 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation; To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation. Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God. For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.

In Christ’s love,

Neil   

7/14/18 PRAISE REPORT!!!: God be praised! It appears that Lysa has reconciled her marriage with Art. Rejoice! I pray that this reconciliation too would go viral! I pray too that Art would heal and be made new concerning his part. I pray that many who read Lysa's testimony see that divorce is NEVER the option, EVER! Here is a very good blog post in response upon confirming the reconciliation of a marriage.  

The Announcement About Lysa TerKeurst’s Marriage You Probably Didn’t Hear