Sunday, September 25, 2016

The "Lie" of Remarriage

A young man and woman leave their respective parents to make vows of covenant marriage to each other. They apply for a marriage license at the county clerk’s office and select a date to exchange vows. Witnessing these covenant vows are family, friends and the local clergyman. The residing Pastor signs the license as a witness and they happily exchange vows at the ceremony.

The vows read something like this:

“I_____, take you____to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife) to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, and hereto I pledge you my faithfulness.”

This vow of the marriage is the witness to all in attendance that the husband and wife will remain faithful to each other till death do they part. If this covenant vow was simply a vow to witnesses on earth, then marriage would not be necessary. The truth be told that a covenant vow of marriage is also witnessed and blessed in Heaven. The Lord God of Heaven and Earth is a witness to the vow of covenant since marriage is His design from the beginning.

Gen 2:23,24 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Marriage is a one-flesh bond and a covenant. (Mal 2:14) The vows each spouse makes to each other are singular in nature which seal each other together to become one flesh, and they no longer become two. (Eph 5:31) This is not to be confused with being one flesh in fornication (1 Cor 6:16) but they become one flesh in the bond of covenant marriage. (Mt 19:5,6; Mk 10:8) This marriage bond can only end in death. 

The vow is also monogamous in definition and is never dependent upon the actions of the recipient of the vow. In other words, the vow cannot be deferred or broken by any action of the recipient of the vow. The vow is a promise that is witnessed by and accepted by God. Thus, any deviation of the vow is a direct assault on the character and witness of God. It is a very serious sin to break a vow of covenant, much less a one-flesh covenant vow of marriage. (Eccl 5:1-7) Therefore, it is better not to marry if you do not intend to remain in a one-flesh covenant marriage. (Mt 19:10)

Since the one-flesh covenant vow can only end in death, it is easy to understand why the Lord said what He said about marriage. He makes it very clear that marriage by definition, or the “Law of Marriage”, is one man and one woman for life as it was from the beginning. (Mt 19:4-6; Mk 10:6-9) It was the Pharisees who tested the Lord about the Law of Moses concerning divorce, but it was the Lord Jesus Christ who set the matter straight and said that marriage is as it was in the beginning. There is no mention that the Pharisees argued the fact that a divorce cannot end a one-flesh marriage covenant, and neither should we.

Matthew 19:4-6  And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

We should see the truth as to why the Lord calls all “remarriages” adulterous unions. In fact, there is no such word as "remarriage". It is called "adultery". Divorced people who "remarry" are committing adultery because they have dared to make a vow to another while their spouse of a one-flesh covenant vow is still alive. A person cannot make a vow to another if they have not honored the first vow of covenant to God.

God does not honor a vow to another if a man or a woman lied to Him about a covenant vow to their spouse. It is no mystery that liars will not enter the Kingdom of God. (Rev 1:8) When you do not keep your vow, you have lied to God. Not to mention, you have lied to your spouse of covenant. He or she is not responsible for your vow to him or her, but you are responsible to your vow before God. 

The greatest evil is not necessarily the sin one commits against his or her spouse, the greatest evil is the lie by not keeping the vow. It is one thing to sin against another person, but when you sin against your spouse you are also breaking the covenant vow you made before God. The only solution for any sin is to confess the sin and repent of the sin so that there is reconciliation and restoration. The same is true in marriage since the spouse of covenant has long since made a vow to love in times such as this…"for better or for worse". 

This is why marriage is not unlike the covenant the Lord Jesus Christ has for His bride the church. He is ALWAYS faithful and loves us perfectly because He shed His blood on our behalf. We may stumble and fall, but He is the perfect husband who is willing to forgive us when we repent. He will never leave us or forsake us. We may walk away (divorce) from Him, but he will never walk away from us. 

So too is marriage an example of this Christ-like love. If we believe that the actions of our spouse is a reason to divorce, then we really do not understand what it is to enter into covenant with a spouse. Marriage was a perfect gift from God so that man would not be alone. If the body of Christ is not an example of marriage as it was in the beginning, then the world will never see the true definition of marriage.

It should be necessary to note that there are millions of people in adultery because they dared to make a vow to another while they have a living spouse of covenant. The eternal lie is to listen to and believe ANY clergy or state official who tells you that you can make a vow of marriage to another when your covenant spouse of youth is still alive. You are a liar if you make a vow to another since you have lied to God. 

Your vows SHOULD have read like this:    

“I_____, take you now,____ instead of ______to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife) to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, and hereto I pledge you my faithfulness.”

Unfortunately, millions believe a civil divorce paper ends a one-flesh covenant marriage just because they were taught to believe such nonsense. If the Lord Jesus Christ says that death is the only way a marriage can end, what makes you believe a civil divorce paper can end your covenant marriage? If you “remarry” another while your spouse of covenant is alive, you not only enter into adultery, you have lied to God because you did not keep your covenant vow to your first spouse. Then you expect Him to honor your second, third, or forth vow? 

There is hope! The Lord Jesus Christ is the answer. If you repent of your sins He is faithful and just to forgive you and cleanse you from all unrighteousness. Repenting from adultery is exiting your adulterous and unlawful remarriage since it never was and never will be a marriage in the Lord. (1 Cor 7:39) I wrote a post several years ago on how to repent of adultery remarriage. There is no “ex” spouse, there is only a spouse of covenant, and to deny this truth has eternal consequences. 

In conclusion, I believe it is eternally important to defend one-flesh covenant marriage. Unfortunately, the institutionalized 501c3 congregationalism clergy/laity system will not defend marriage. It is up to the “body of Christ” to defend marriage as one man and one woman for life. Are you a part of the body of Christ that defends one-flesh covenant marriage, or do you defend divorce and remarriage? The answer is in the truth of the Gospel because the truth of the Gospel is found in the definition of marriage.

Eph 5:31,32 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

In Christ’s love,



DeeLyn said...

Great article.

But we must remember that God did not write that 'commonly used wedding vow' and the 'death do we part' idea, men came up with that, based upon man made religious traditions

Christ never taught that marriage ends at death, that was again men who invented that idea long ago so that they could justify remarriage after the death of a spouse, just like people justify remarriage after the divorce of their spouse today.

Most Christians believe in eternal marriage or at least hope for it, especially if they truly love their spouse.

Like they say in the movie 'Princess Bride', "death does not stop true love, it only delays it for a little while".

Countless spiritual experiences and visitations by deceased spouses and near death experiences around the globe reveal how marriage is eternal and that our spouse is just waiting for us on the other side, eager to be reunited with us.

Any remarriage, even after the death of a spouse or after divorce or even in polygamy are all forms of unfaithfulness to one's real spouse and such remarriage will just bring eventual remorse and pain to all involved.

True love is eternally exclusive to 1 person, though that has always been very hard for mortals to learn and do. But it's impossible to love 2 spouses, for we hurt and disrespect the 1st by being with another, even if the 1st is deceased.

Deceased spouses stay near and help and watch over and can often appear and talk to their living spouse and can feel joy or sorrow at what their living spouse does and they have true love for their living spouse and are faithfully waiting to be with them again. To know this helps us to also stay faithful to our deceased spouse.

Anyone who has rare true Christlike love for their spouse hopes and has faith that their marriage will be forever and they will be with their spouse throughout eternity, and they wouldn't want to remarry.

No matter how good or bad we or our spouse is in this life, marriage is eternal and eventually everyone will learn to follow God and do right in the next life and thus have happy blissful marriages throughout eternity.

Neil Novotnak said...

Dear DeeLyn,

I agree with most of what you said in your comment. I also would agree that the traditional vows are not the word of God, but God does recognize the vow of marriage regardless of how we say it. The reason is that marriage IS a vow becasue you agree to become one-flesh with your spouse. Also, the vow is witnessed, not only by God (which is the most important witness), but by the world.

Other-wise, I do understand you point until you got to the part that a marriage is "eternal". The Lord says otherwise.(Matthew 22:23-33)In particular these two verses:

Mt 22:29 Jesus answered and said unto them, Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of God.30 For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.

The point is that the one-flesh bond is a representation of our bond with Christ(Eph 5:31,32); of whom we will be with in eternity. Also,spiritual and near death experiences are not the word of God. While I would agree that the one-flesh bond is a spiritual bond, it does end once our spouse dies. Does that mean we will not know of our marriage in Heaven? Of course not, but once we get to Heaven, our view of our spouse will be in light of our "marriage" to the Lord. Understanding our love for Christ should be why we love our spouse in the first place.

Thank you for the comment.

In Christ's love,