My testimony is dating an estranged married woman with a child. Then I believed the lies that her divorce from her husband (her son's father) and my marriage to her would qualify for me the status of "step-dad". I believed I was taking a noble step in providing for a child which I had no right to provide for in the first place. But was my role noble? Was I obeying the Lord? Did I have a right to raise a child when there is ample scripture to support a restoration of a marriage?
I have decided to tackle the thought that "being a step-parent is a noble thing" head on. I will ask real questions that we must answer as a church and as a society. There is no question that there are millions of step-families across the globe, and these are mostly comprised of divorce and remarriage. While there are many seemingly heart felt stories of wonderful step-parent to step-child relationships, there are as many stories which are true horror stories of abuse and even murder. For the sake of marriage definition, when I refer to step-parents, I am not referring to legitimate adoption and raising child of a deceased parent.
- If scripture tells us a marriage can only end in death, is there an excuse to form "step-families"?
No. The answer is clearly no. A divorce never ends the responsibilities of a parent to raise a child just as a divorce never ends the marriage. A child has a father and a mother. There is a sin problem in every case of divorce, and scripture again makes a great case that restoration of a marriage is found in the One who restored us to Him. There are a thousand and one excuses to divorce and remarry, and none of them have a chance in Hell against a new life in Christ. If you were bought and paid for by the blood of the Lamb, you will understand that sin is the problem in any divorce, and that the only remedy for sin is the Lord Jesus Christ.
My excuse to be a step-parent was never found in scripture. I stood in the way from what the Lord wanted first and foremost... a restoration of a marriage. I stood in the way of a father who deserved to be a father to his child. Yes, there was sin that both the husband and wife needed to address, but to say that a marriage ended becasue the timing wasn't right for restoration is making a god in our own image. Looking back I know for a fact that their marriage problems were both of their faults and they both wanted to make excuses for their sins. Regardless, I had no right to interfere with what God can do.
- If a "remarriage" is the sin of adultery, what does that teach our children to accept step-parents, let alone accept a remarriage as anything other than adultery?
Matthew 18:5-7 And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!
The moment we tell a child that a marriage can end in divorce, we have already deceived them. Then you want to tell them that he or she will have a step-parent because you are going to remarry into an adulterous relationship? Why do we lie to our children? It is no wonder that many children of divorce NEVER get over the pain of the divorce. In fact, many of them divorce and remarry as adults. It is a common tragedy in society that has often brought on greater tragedy. I seriously believe that the current popular redefinition of marriage, the sexual revolution, and gender dysphoria are directly related to the capitulation of marriage through the widely acceptable divorce and remarriage culture.
That is why I can not understand the conscience of a person who makes a "vow" of remarriage while their spouse of covenant of divorce is still alive. How do you feel justified by your vow when you lied about your first vow? Now you want to make a vow in front of you children and believe God should honor this when you did not honor your first vow? You want your children to believe as you do, rather than what God commands?
- If step-families through divorce and remarriage do not honor God, then what should I do?
I have written past posts which show us what we need to do. Dear Convicted Remarried Believer.
I have also written to clergy who are convicted of performing remarriages. Dear Pastor
There is always consequences of sin, but is through repentance and faith in Christ where we are not only restored, but God will use this as a bold witness for His glory. Terminating an adulterous union is not only a bold witness to the world, it is a bold and justified witness to your children. You are teaching your children the truth which is only found in Christ.
I personally responded by seeking forgiveness for those I sinned against. This included the Lord, my son's mother, and her husband and his son, and my son. I also participated in ending the civil side of adultery by divorcing from the adulterous civil union. I am not responsible for either of their further actions to remain in their own sins, but I do pray they both would repent. I have also dedicated a blog to the permanence of marriage and have continued to be a voice for marriage permanence. I also know that I cannot convince anyone in my own power that marriage can only end in death, but have begun to rely on the power of the Holy Spirit through the written word. The Power of the Word For Marriage Truth
I know that the Holy Spirit is behind the words of God to convict and bring many to repentance. Marriage is such a holy word that is a great representation of the Gospel. I pray that the church would speak boldly for marriage truth and I pray too for all those who have continued to remain in their vows of marriage for His glory. Please join me in praying that many would stand up for the truth of marriage so that they will witness the awesome power of the Gospel revealed in those who do solemnly swear...till death do we part. God bless you!
In Christ's love,
Neil
2 comments:
This reminds me of what transpired a year ago when "standerinfamilycourt" wrote to Moody Radio informing them why members of the POM community cannot conscionably donate to that ministry until they get rid of their "blended family pastor". Then in January Julie Roys took public what she had learned about Moody’s tax fraud and financial mismanagement, also their theological drift to the left.
It also turns out that the Board of Trustees who sought to avoid Julie’s request to investigate has legalized adulterers including Dr. Juli Slattery on it. This Dan Craig who earlier wrote us this silly letter justifying the role of an adulterous stepfather wound up being the "hatchet man" who fired Julie Roys by email.
"April 3, 2017
Dear [“Standerinfamilycourt”],
Thank you for listening to Moody Radio, for your past financial and prayer support, and for taking time to write expressing your concerns about Family Life Ministries feature FamilyLife Blended with Ron Deal.
I can understand your concern for any programming content that would “sanction legalized adultery”. I will be standing right beside you on that. However I fail to see where the content in the programs you listed are sanctioning adultery.
May I take your thoughts a little further on the topic, beyond the thought that divorce led to the creation of a blended family? Ron Deal at FamilyLife could give you more specific information, but we are learning that many people who come to Christ ater in life are from broken homes. We receive emails nearly every week, mainly from Christian women, that their spouse has divorced / left them, some recently. We also know of Christians who are widows or widowers who remarry. In fact, several years after my grandfather died, my 82 year old grandmother remarried a wonderful widower.
Most churches do not address the unique issues that are present in these Blended Families. We believe that the feature and FamilyLife Ministries is helping these marriages and families not only to survive but possibly thrive by providing helpful information not available anywhere else.
[“Standerinfamilycourt”], I’m sorry that I don’t have the audio to send you, but here is the script of one of the first FamilyLife Blended features.
What would you do if your fiancé told you she was pregnant and it wasn’t your child? I heard about one man that found himself in that very situation. He was distraught, he was hurt, and he chose to walk away. I mean, after all, the responsibilities were not his. But then the Spirit of God let Joseph know that there was something bigger going on. And Joseph chose love. This Christmas as you remember our dear Savior’s birth, let’s also remember and encourage the step-parents and adoptive parents who, like Joseph, didn’t have responsibility or obligation, but they chose to love anyway.
I hope this information may shed a little more light on the reasons that we broadcast the FamilyLife Blended feature on Moody Radio.
Again, we appreciate you listening to Moody Radio, and appreciated your financial and prayer support through the years. If you feel the Lord directing you to support another ministry, we understand and pray that He will multiply the impact of your gifts to that organization. We do hope you will continue to pray for us as we seek to minister to as many people as possible and help them take their next step in their relationship with Jesus.
Blessings! Dan Craig, Manager of Programming
SIFC had to go back to the original March 26 letter / blog to make sure we remembered to mention that Moody Radio was leading millions of people toward hell as adulterers with this programming, but then again, Mr. Craig admitted that he didn’t “see how the programming content was sanctioning adultery”. [translation: we don’t consider remarriage following civil dissolution of a consummated marriage to be adultery, even though Jesus repeatedly said it was, as did Paul. But just in case, we’re going to obfuscate the issue by jumping topics to widowhood and betrothal].
Thank you for the comment. I would like to ask Mr. Craig a thing or two. In particular, how he seems to categorize divorce with death, as if they are the same. He wrote: "We receive emails nearly every week, mainly from Christian women, that their spouse has divorced / left them, some recently. We also know of Christians who are widows or widowers who remarry. In fact, several years after my grandfather died, my 82 year old grandmother remarried a wonderful widower."
Well the fact that the Lord Jesus Christ makes it very clear that a divorce cannot end a covenant marriage, perhaps he would tell the listeners that misrepresenting marriage definition is the key to understanding when a husband believes he is leaving a marriage, that his actions will lead him to Hell less he repent. That is the whole idea of church discipline (Mt 18:15-17) is it not? But church discipline is something foreign to mne like Ron Deal and "Blendedfamilies" since they do not understand the true definition of marriage to begin with. That is why Mr. Craig uses Joseph's example out of context, not understanding maybe that Mary was actually a virgin, and not a fornicator. It is a sad thing to see the destruction of marriage coming from those who continually claim to know and love Christ.
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