This is part nine of a series of posts exposing the popular
divorce recovery ministry of DivorceCare.
DivorceCare claims to be a Christ-centered support ministry
established for people who have experienced or who about to experience divorce.
They claim that their goal is to help find help for the hurts of divorce,
discover hope for the future, and experience God’s blessing. The founder of
DivorceCare, Steve Grissom, is a product of divorce and remarriage. He started
DivorceCare based on his experience of divorce and the experience of healing
from this divorce to remarry. He claims it was God’s calling to start this
ministry.
Scripture points to marriage as a
one-flesh covenant between one man and one woman for life. So often see excuses
from remarried couples concerning children of remarriages. Their overall
argument is that God would not want to separate what He has joined together, as
if a remarriage is a covenant marriage. When explaining that scripture calls
these remarriages adultery unions, you immediately get questions, first about
the “burden” remaining in singleness and then questions concerning children.
You get questions like this:
- You mean that God would want me to divorce from my remarriage?
- You mean that I have to remain single the rest of my life?
- You mean that God would want our children to have their parents living apart from each other?
In the book of Ezra, the prophet Ezra called for Israel to
repent of the taking of foreign wives.
Ezra 9:1-3 Now when these things were done, the princes came to me, saying, The
people of Israel, and the priests, and the Levites, have not separated
themselves from the people of the lands, doing according to their abominations,
even of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Jebusites, the
Ammonites, the Moabites, the Egyptians, and the Amorites.For they have taken of
their daughters for themselves, and for their sons: so that the holy seed have
mingled themselves with the people of those lands: yea, the hand of the princes
and rulers hath been chief in this trespass. And when I
heard this thing, I rent my garment and my mantle, and plucked off the hair of
my head and of my beard, and sat down astonied.
So the
people of Israel repented of this sin.
Ezra
10:And Shechaniah the son of Jehiel, one of the sons of Elam, answered and
said unto Ezra, We have trespassed against our God, and have taken strange
wives of the people of the land: yet now there is hope in Israel concerning
this thing. Now therefore let us make a covenant with
our God to put away all the wives, and such as are born of them, according to
the counsel of my lord, and of those that tremble at the commandment of our
God; and let it be done according to the law.
Many of these unlawful marriages involved
children.
Ezra
10:44 All these had taken strange wives: and some of them had wives by whom
they had children.
Israel was commanded by God not to take
foreign wives, and the result was repentance by putting away these wives and
the children of these unlawful marriages. This was the law of marriage in the
time of Ezra. The law of marriage today is found in Matthew and Mark’s account.
This law of marriage is as it was from the beginning. This law leaves no room
for divorce and remarriage among covenant marriages, and any “remarriage” after
divorce is adultery, and not a marriage.
Matthew 19:4 And he answered and said unto them, Have
ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and
female,5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and
mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6 Wherefore
they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together,
let not man put asunder.
Mark 10:6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and
female. 7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and
mother, and cleave to his wife;8 And they twain shall be one
flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. 9 What
therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
So when someone says, “You mean that God would want me to divorce from
my remarriage?”
The answer is that a “remarriage” can never be a marriage. If it is not a marriage, it is adultery to remain in this unholy union.
The answer is that a “remarriage” can never be a marriage. If it is not a marriage, it is adultery to remain in this unholy union.
So when someone says, “You mean that I have to remain single
the rest of my life?’
You exited adultery remarriage and remaining single or restoring your covenant marriage is the only options God gives you. There is no confusion in this. There is considerable confusion when exception clauses and Pauline privileges are erroneously taught in the church. A Review on "A Sermon on Divorce andRemarriage.", Divorce in the case of abandonment?…1 Cor 7:15 , Divorce is notsanctioned by the church
You exited adultery remarriage and remaining single or restoring your covenant marriage is the only options God gives you. There is no confusion in this. There is considerable confusion when exception clauses and Pauline privileges are erroneously taught in the church. A Review on "A Sermon on Divorce andRemarriage.", Divorce in the case of abandonment?…1 Cor 7:15 , Divorce is notsanctioned by the church
So when someone says, “You mean that
God would want our children to have their parents living apart from each
other?”
Did you take into account that your “remarriage” was not a marriage in the first place? What is the difference between divorcing from a covenant marriage and divorcing from a “remarriage”?
Did you take into account that your “remarriage” was not a marriage in the first place? What is the difference between divorcing from a covenant marriage and divorcing from a “remarriage”?
In this KidCare (KC) session,
DivorceCare (DC) offers what they believe to be sound advice for dealing with
children of divorce. I thought it was necessary to make a correlation with DC
and KC. The word “care” is significant in their titles. If DC cared about
children, they would do whatever is in their power to defend the covenant of
marriage and not make the child believe that divorce is ever an option.
People will say that they have a
“right” to divorce. Often they will stress that this is the best for the
children. However, you will not find any biblical evidence that divorce is an
option for the sake of the children. A child has no say in the matter. In fact,
many spouses do not a have a say in the matter concerning divorce. The
unilateral divorce laws have made it very easy for one spouse to divorce, AND
take full custody of the children.
I liken divorce and remarriage to an
abortion because both are based on human desire and not a life in Christ. A
woman has sexual intercourse with a man knowing full well that sexual
intercourse produces life. However, her ambitions, lifestyle, or whatever you
want to call it (I will call it idols), forbids her to have a child. She
believes that it is her body and that she can do what she seems right in her
eyes. She aborts the baby in favor of her idols. The child has no say in the
matter. The child is sacrificed for the sake of the mother’s idols.
Divorce is no different than
abortion. A man or woman has come to the conclusion that marriage is not God’s
institution. Thus, he or she believes that God is unable to do His part in
whatever the situation to those who remain obedient to the covenant. This man
or woman has turned over marriage to the institution of man, and now believe
that divorce is the best option. What is the desire?
The desire is to have a marriage
that seems right in their own eyes. They want a spouse who fits their idea, and
not God’s. They have turned marriage into an idol. The children of such divorce
and remarriage has no say in the matter. Maybe they have expressed the idea
that mommy and daddy should stop arguing and love each other. Maybe they can
express their love to each parent, but the fact is that mommy and daddy will
not reconcile, cannot reconcile…The children are sacrificed for the sake of
idols. They will get over it…or will they?
The fact is many children do not
“get over it” and many children of divorce go on to get married and divorce
themselves. Again, DC does a great job of showing the viewer the "pains" that
children experience in divorce, they yet again come up short on the solution. DC
fails to show the viewer that the devastating cost of divorce on children does
not stop there. Often there are consequences of remarriages, child care, and
blended families.
DC offers this ninth session to
parents of divorce, and they offer a complete ministry to children of divorce.
Their KidCare (KC) program often coincides with the DC program. They begin with
a paragraph that is not only contradictory, it is based on the idea that a
divorce ends a marriage.
“WE ARE FIERCELY PROTECTIVE OF OUR KIDS and want what’s best for them.” ~ DC workbook page 81
The best for children is a stable
marriage where both parents strive to live in a life of Christ. Their sole
purpose is to raise their children to become responsible God-fearing adults.
This includes telling them the truth about their eternal condition in Christ. A
child needs a Savior, and this is best represented in parents who remain in covenant
under the headship of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Divorce is never an example of the
Gospel and it is one of the worse things that can happen to a child. DC make it
vitally clear that children of divorce get “lost in the shuffle”. They offer an
extended list of what the children think and how the mistakes parents make when
experiencing the process of divorce. DC make it perfectly clear by their own
admission that divorce is a horrible experience for both the parents and the children.
Yet, they fail to deliver a concise and suitable solution.
DC’s believes that helping your
child includes spending time with and listen to your kids. The fact is most
children want their parents to reconcile. Unfortunately, some family court cases
do not allow one, or in extreme cases, both parents to have custody of their
children. I understand that there are severe cases where a child needs to be
protected such as in the case of abuse, but this does not take away the fact
that a child loves their parent. It just takes in to consideration that repentance
of sin needs to take place so that there is reconciliation.
DC makes it necessary for the viewer
and the participant to believe that a divorce ends a marriage. This is fatal to
the children. If we understand that a divorce cannot end a marriage, what would
that information be to a child of marriage? Better yet, what would be the response
of the parents?
The solution is very simple. Divorce
is the result of one or both spouses failing to repent, forgive, and reconcile.
A spouse in marriage has sinned. This spouse must repent of sin. If the spouse
will not repent, both spouse MUST remain unmarried until there is reconciliation
or death. When and if the spouse repents, the other spouse is to forgive so
that there is reconciliation. This is what a child needs to see in marriage.
This is what the church needs to establish in marriage. This process is the
foundation of the Gospel.
Continually patching the walls of
house with a crumbling foundation is not going to solve the problem. Recognizing
the problem is first considering that the foundation is the problem. Once you
correct the problem of the foundation, the stability of the structure will
remain strong. DC and KC are ministries that do not recognize, and ignore, the foundation
of the problem as they deal with the surface of the problem.
The foundation of marriage is a lifetime
commitment where grace and truth are represented in two who become one flesh.
Yes, there will be problems, yet the solution is the Lord Jesus Christ.
Children need to experience the love of Christ in parents committed to glorifying
God, and not to individuals bowing before idols. Marriage by definition is both
spouse giving up their rights, their very lives, for the glory of Christ.
In conclusion, DC needs to reevaluate
their foundation. They have embraced a foundation that is crumbling and is exacerbated
by the rise of sexual perversity and idolatry of same-sex marriage. However, I believe
it is clear that God is not idle in all this. The foundation is crumbling so
much so that many are seeing the clear hypocrisy of those who cry against same-sex
marriage when they have entered their second and third marriages. The time is
now to repent of adultery remarriage and embrace the spirit of Ezra…for the
sake of a nation, the sake of the family, and for the sake of the children.
In Christ’s love,
Neil
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