The Dad & Stepdad Defiance

Eph 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

I Recently wrote a 2-part post concerning the idea of blended-families. The Misplaced Humility of Blended Families and Blended Family Couples Are Not Covenant Family Couples. 

These posts included a transcript from Focus on the Family. The two-day guest for these transcripts was Ron Deal, the president of FamilyLife Blended. Ron loves to tell us how God blesses “remarriages” and often he will use examples of blended families to make his point. My posts were written as to expose the false premises behind the idea of society accepting “selective” humility when it comes to “remarriages” after a divorce of a covenant spouse. The word of God says that marriage is one man and one woman for life.(Gen 2:24, Mt 19:4-6; Mk 10:6-9, 1 Cor 7:39) 

Back in September of last year, you may recall a viral video of a man who stunned everyone by grabbing the hand of his daughter’s step-dad so that they could walk “their” daughter down the aisle. I did respond to this on several social media sites, but I never got around to posting the hypocrisy of this video. That is about to change…though a day late and a dollar short...well, several months late and billions of dollars tied up in the family court system "short"...

It stands to mention that standerinfamilycourt had an excellent and biblically accurate response to this video, and many like this including the viral “An open Letter to My Daughter’s Stepmom”. I too responded to the stepmom letter with “A response to an open letter to my daughter’s stepmom”. It is worth mentioning that this post is the most viewed of my 100+ posts to date. I also had to respond to several comments defending the actions of the woman of this letter. 

I had almost forgotten the “two dads down the aisle video” until it surfaced again in a recent twitter post from Ron Deal. Please listen to this short “take” on Ron’s view of this video through his "The Dad and Stepdad Alliance" post:

 “What happens when a dad and stepdad team up? Kid’s win-that’s what happens.”

Ron tells us what happened that day and how everyone was crying (I was crying too, but not because it was a "feel good" story), and then he ends this with…

"Now that kind of selflessness is how you bless a child, (pause) and change a nation.”

I think it is eternally important to get a firm grasp on this video and view it from an eternal perspective, and not from a temporal perspective. I like what standerinfamilycourt had to say about today’s “feel good nation.” 

“In our culture, and even in our CHURCH culture, the highest good is the “feel good”,  as though this life on earth was all there is…”

As believers, we are not called to seek “happiness”, we are called to seek holiness. The first time I saw this video it made me sick. I could understand the reason it went viral; the same way I can understand how a nation has thumbed its nose at God’s design of marriage. The world thought this man was showing ultimate humility by grabbing the arm of his daughter’s stepdad, when in actuality he was exposing where we have gone with defining marriage, families, and the Gospel.

I have decided to break this whole viral video scenario down with using what God says about marriage, divorce, families, and the Gospel. When I use the word “dad” as it pertains to the video, I am talking about the man who grabbed the arm of the step-dad.

In this video we see it is filmed at a wedding ceremony. We have to make a conclusion that the dad in this video was either married and divorced from his daughter’s mom, or he fornicated with his daughter’s mom and they birthed the daughter out of wedlock. We also have to conclude that the “step-dad” in this video is married, or remarried to the daughter’s mom. The fact is that this man was previously married, and this marriage ended in a divorce that included the family court system. This information came from a post that quotes:

"If only all divorced parents could be so selfless when it comes to their children's weddings."

What about: If only all married couples could be selfless when it come's to their own vow they made to each other so that they can leave a legacy for their children? 

Selective "selflessness" is very popular today when it is so easy to throw truth out the window.

Since this prior relationship was a covenant marriage, we can conclude there was a divorce that divided the dad from his daughter’s mom, and this woman “remarried” the step-dad.

Ron Deal’s ministry caters to “remarried” couples and “blended” families.  This video could be used for all cases of “remarriage” to show the “humility” of the dad to the stepdad. Yet, scripture is clear that ALL remarriages after a divorce of a living covenant spouse are adulterous unions. (Mt 5:32,19:9; Mk 10:11,12; Lk 16:18; Ro 7:2-3; 1 Cor 7:10,11,39)  

We know that the dad in this video has accepted the fact that his marriage to his daughter’s mom ended in divorce, but scripture says otherwise. Also, a step-dad is not the father of a child because he is in an adulterous relationship with the dad’s wife. In a sense, the dad in this video is telling us by his actions that he affirms the remarriage of a man to his wife while he is still alive. This daughter has two dads, and her mom has two husbands. 

Ron Deal will tell you his ministry helps “remarried” couples and “blended” families to avoid “re-divorce.” Well I have to tell you mister Deal that God has already provided ample scripture to avoid “divorce” by remaining unmarried or reconcile the marriage. (1 Cor 7:10,11) But the world does not want to remain in covenant marriage, the world wants you to accept your “remarriage”, the world wants you to forgive divorce to remarry, even if they do not want to forgive to remain in a marriage.

The irony of this video is that it was filmed at a wedding ceremony. If the wedding ceremony was in the presence of the Lord, what makes you think that the daughter really has to keep her vows when her parents did not keep theirs? This leads us to the idea of blended families and what divorce and remarriage and ministries like FamilyLife Blended really teaches our children.

Pro-lifers will tell you that life begins at conception and that pro-choice of a mother abandons the choice of the child’s right to live. Agreed.

Divorce is aborting a child’s right to live with his or her parents. Unilateral divorce provides the right of one spouse to relinquish their vows to the other spouse regardless if that other spouse wants a divorce or not. A child has no choice whether the divorce was mutual or non-consensual. This video glorifies divorce and remarriage, and tells a child that mom and dad do not need to reconcile their differences because divorce and remarriage is just as a viable option. 

In fact, we should embrace the idea that a daughter could have multiple moms and multiple dads. What if this viral video showed the dad running into the crowd and grabbing his daughter’s first stepdad, second stepdad, and the third stepdad so all four of them can walk her down the aisle?  What’s the difference of the number of stepdads if we embrace the idea that a divorce and remarriage are acceptable? 

This video shows how far we have redefined marriage. Many are dumbed down to believe that marriage is anything but a committed relationship designed by God for His glory. If you cried when you saw this video, I hope those tears were for mourning a nation that has devalued marriage and not because it touched your heart. If you think this video was a representation of the Gospel, then you really do not know the Gospel.

 So how does the Gospel message fit in this viral video? Some will tell you that this dad's action is a perfect example of Christ’s love to us. Some will say that the forgiveness in this video is a life lessen to all of us. And Ron Deal will tell us that this video can “change a nation”. Unfortunately, the nation is already embracing divorce and remarriage, that is why this video went viral. This video tells us we do not have to remain in covenant marriage unless we find something better…

Did this dad show the love of Christ or was he causing more harm than good by grabbing the arm of his daughter’s stepdad? If we look at what the Lord Jesus taught about marriage, we would have to say this dad was "content" in believing that his marriage was over and that inviting his wife’s other husband to give away his daughter was exhibiting humility. The video was more about what pleases us then what pleases God.

If I told you that I forgave you for kidnapping my child and you kept the child, is there a foundation for forgiveness?  The idea of forgiveness is not remembering your actions of kidnapping my child after you return the child to me. There is no foundation of forgiveness if you or I do not think kidnapping is wrong. This is what takes place in the video. Applauding this actions in this video creates a “re-definition" of marriage, family, and the Gospel. If the Lord Jesus Christ forgave us of our sins and we continue to remain on sinning as if our sins are justifiable, how are we justified by the Lord? 

I am not surprised that this video went viral when there are thousands upon thousands of people justifying their adulterous remarriages. If this was just relegated to the world, it would not be an issue. But there are many professing Christians who loved this video and shared it to others. That is eternally damaging to their souls.

In conclusion, I pray that the Holy Spirit would open eyes and ears to the truth of marriage. I pray that hard hearts would soften. I pray that we would see videos that show a daughter’s estranged parents reconcile their marriage by honoring the vows they made to each before the living God. I pray that children would not follow the steps of their divorced and remarried parents, so that marriage becomes the second most important decision in their life apart from what they believe about the Lord Jesus Christ. I also pray that ministries such as FamilyLife and Focus on the Family would repent of what they teach about marriage, divorce and remarriage so that what they post will change a nation to the truth and not some "feel good story" that lacks grace and truth.

In Christ’s love,

Neil